Trust, this is something that I had to think a lot about an work with deeply in my own healing journey. After experiencing a deep betrayal, I lost more than just my trust in others – I lost my trust in myself. That betrayal became internalized as self-betrayal. I questioned my instincts, my judgment, and my ability to make decisions. My self-confidence was shattered. I constantly second guessed myself, never knowing if what I was doing was “right” or “wrong” unable to perceive anything I did with objectivity and clarity.

I was stuck in a negative spiral of self-blame and doubt. I felt broken beyond repair, that somehow I should have known, seen, and chosen better. With my ability to trust others broken, I knew I couldn’t trust anyone until I had healed this relationship with myself. Brene Brown talks about this beautifully in her talk “The Anatomy of Trust” on Super Soul Sessions. It took time and intentional work to slowly rebuild my sense of self-trust. Little by little, one gentle choice, one small victory, one uncritical thought at a time. Here is some of what I learned:

• Letting go of judgement and learning self-compassion. Beating myself up for “failing to see the truth” only compounded my distress. Learning to be kinder to myself, acknowledging my pain without judgment, allowing myself to feel my pain without getting caught in the stories that I so deeply criticized myself for. Giving myself space to feel the pain so healing could begin. I had to accept that I did the best I could with the limited knowledge I had at the time.

• I set tiny goals for myself that allowed tiny wins. At first, these seemed insignificant. But each time I followed my gut feeling, even for a moment, and it turned out to be “right,” my self-confidence inched a little higher. Over weeks and months, these small victories added up, proving to myself that I could once again make good choices and trust my instincts.

• I indulged in simple pleasures that reminded me of my basic capabilities. Brewing a cup of tea, going for a walk – small acts that brought me joy and a sense of trust in my ability to navigate the world. I celebrated each tiny “win,” even if it seemed minor. This nurtured my fragile seed of self-confidence.

• I established routines with meditation and exercise that built my self-trust over time. I don’t always get this right, but I keep working towards it and practicing self-compassion when I mess up. On days I didn’t feel like doing them, I did my best to do them anyway. These simple practices gradually rewired my neural pathways toward self-trust.

• I noticed when I was seeking external validation and approval and worked at how I could validate myself, so I didn’t constantly seek others approval to prove my worth.
• I avoided making big decisions as much as possible until I built that foundation of trust.

• I learned to choose gently. Instead of demanding certainty, I based choices on what felt right grounded in the present moment. With practice, my instincts regained their sensitivity. I learned to trust the small voice within.

Some other tools that to try:

• Write a letter of forgiveness, expressing compassion for the choices made with limited vision. Then burn the latter as a symbolic act of releasing self-blame, allowing space to move forward without the burden of guilt. Give yourself permission to start fresh.
• Distance yourself from critical people and spent more time with those who believed in you.

As I continue down this road toward loving self-acceptance and inner wisdom, self-doubt still creeps in. But, now I have the tools to work with it as I continue to move forward, and forward I move with love and compassion.

If this resonates with you and you feel you could benefit from support in your own healing journey, I want to reassure you that I take that responsibility very seriously. Any trust you place in me as a mentor or guide would be handled with the utmost care, respect, integrity and confidentiality. I realize how vulnerable this process can be, and I’m honored by the courage it takes to seek healing.

Know that the true wisdom for healing lies within you. My aim would simply be to support you as you reconnect with your inner wisdom and find the path that feels right for you.

If you think I could be a helpful sounding board as you move forward, I am happy to see how I may offer support in a way that feels safe and respects your privacy, at whatever pace feels right to you. Please know that you have options and I wish you the very best on your healing journey, regardless of whether I have any role in it.

Please let me know if you have any other questions.